If Dance Music Was Food…

Hungry for beats? So are we.

Love dance music as much as us? Probably. When we get bored, this is the type of shit we think about…
What if dance music was food? What would it be?
So we took what we thought were 15 popular genres of EDM in America and had a little fun.

1. House – Club Sandwich w/ Chips & Pickle

No, not “House Music” like what every top 40 fan-turned self-proclaimed EDM aficionado means. We’re talking house like Lil’ Louis, Junior Vasquez, Frankie Knuckles, Todd Terry and so on. Nothing crazy but you’ll never be disappointed.

2. Indie/Nu Disco – Portabella Burger

Let’s be honest, these days indie dance and nu disco are championed by two sects… Hipster vegetarian cool guys and French people. Je veux un portabella hamburger avec la sauce spéciale. To be honest though, we dig it too.

3. Trance – Hot Fudge Sundae w/ Whipped Cream & Cherry on Top

Using cheese would have been too much. Nothing better than a sweet, drippy, sugar-filled bowl of goodness to end the night. Too bad everyone is trying to be all health conscious these days.

4. Drum & Bass – Brussels Sprouts

It’s a little weird at first but give it a chance. Drum & Bass tastes good and adds to a very well-rounded EDM diet.

5. Moombahton – Empanadas w/ Hot Sauce

Do we really have to explain? You know they go hand in hand when Dave Nada’s mom is cookin’ ’em up during Moombahton Massives at U-Hall.

6. Psy-Trance – Mushrooms

Ever been to one of Israel’s infamous Nature Parties?

7. Big Room Melodic House aka Trance 2.0 – Bubblegum

This is what people mean these days when they say “house music.” Laidback Luke came up with the term “Trance 2.0” and we first heard “Big Room Melodic” from Tim Bergling (who?). Lots of colors and brands but when you find one ya like you stick with it (til it loses its flavor and you need more).

8. Electro – Bacon Cheeseburger from 5 Guys

It’s thick, greasy and tastes fucking delicious. Ya, we said it. But you certainly can’t eat at 5 Guys every day. Unless you’re down for the huge drops, if ya know what we mean.

10. Techno – Black Licorice

Ever notice that everything about techno is black and skinny? Richie Hawtin’s clothing line, the warehouse parties in NY, those cool guy techno boots (where do they get them?). Licorice is an acquired taste but still sweet enough to get its own tent at every major festival.

11. Breaks – Anchovy Pizza

You’ve always seen breaks on the Beatport menu, just never tried ’em. Sure, anchovies can be a bit salty. They’re also sitting on top of a food you’ve loved since you were a kid. Ever notice how breaks somehow remind you of Biz Markie and Flavor Flave, just with some other shit on top?

12. Progressive House – Lobster Bisque

Deep House is thick, rich and tastes amazing. But not everyone likes seafood. Plus ya gotta be careful where ya get it from. Pryda boils a great lobster.

13. Minimal – Caviar

People who eat caviar revere it as an expensive, sophisticated food not meant for the palettes of laymen. But when ya finally try it, you wonder what the fuss is about. Some might venture to say all caviar tastes the same. We know the difference, just don’t eat it much. It’s all about the company.

13. Deep House – Wine & Cheese Plate

Smooth and sexy. With the rising popularity of Hot Creations, we’re betting you could get a little deep yourself with a lady friend and some slow motion house.

14. Tech House – Filet

We asked Avicii a couple years ago what he likes to hear when he goes out. He said Joris Voorn.

15. Dubstep – Garbage Plate

We hear garbage plates are amazing when you’re wasted.